Progressively Louder Laughter

The world ‘favela’ refers to a Brazilian slum in an urban area.

When we first arrived in Rio (the city centre) we heard several stories of the police going into favelas and gunning down people every night. This is done by the Unidade de Polícia Pacificadora or the Police Pacification Unit. Their main objective is to pacify favelas to stop the bleed of crime into their city centres. The main problem in Rio is that once arrested, the drug lords and mafia are able to secure their freedom. Arresting them will only lead to them entering a corrupt judicial system that can be paid off with fancy lawyers, landing the drug lords and mafia back in their favelas to perpetuate the cycle of crime. To combat this, the Pacification Unit is given free rein to go into favelas and conduct their own justice- execution-style. It’s not uncommon for children and innocent civilians to get caught in the crossfire.

So essentially we are warned not to go into a favela.

Of course, when my Danish friend suggests a tour of a favela I jump to the opportunity- I was very eager to move on from Carnival parties.

Our tour takes place in the favela Rochina (scenes from City of Men and other blockbusters were filmed here). It’s the biggest favela in Rio and our tour guide is an inhabitant. He starts by telling us that we have nothing to worry about, we won’t get shot or robbed but we should watch out for motorcycles and dog shit.

Favelas (at least in Rio) are built into the mountains. They were built by people who immigrated from the North of Brazil (the Bahia region mainly). They were built into the mountains so that they were beyond the reach of the bull-dozers and the grasp of the government.

The tour guide takes us up a large flight of stairs (this is how Brazilian girls get their great butts, he says) and we are rewarded with a proper view of Rio and the favela Rochina. It’s estimated that about 100,000 to 300,000 people live in Rochina.

The houses are built so closely together and so high that when we start to descend down one staircase after the next you think that they have dug down, tunneling into the earth. At the lowest point, there is almost no sunlight. It smells like shit, literally. The sewer system is awful. There are rats everywhere. The electrical lines a tangled mess, and water is sometimes not available for days (it takes longer for water to reach so high up into the mountains).

The people in the favelas hate the police who stand watch over them, armed with military weapons. In their mind, the police have come in and brutally disrupted the ecosystem of their community. To them, the government and the police are just as corrupt with their money and power. It’s just in a completely different way.

Song of the day:

The song of the song is obviously about Ohio- but I think the sentiment is similar, and it’s also an amazing cover…

The Isley Brother – Ohio Machine gun

Brazilians really can party…

is something I have heard repeatedly, and have thought repeatedly throughout the weekend.

For me, carnival is essentially:

• People in costumes everywhere 
• People singing everywhere
• Street vendors everywhere
• Block parties…everywhere

And…

• Realizing you really can’t party like Brazilians 

People in costumes everywhere

When it comes to dressing oneself for carnival, the main objective is to pack as much character into as little clothing possible. For the most part, the Rio Carnival Costume equation according to me is:

(Tutu + Head Piece + very little clothing) x A LOT of Glitter = The Rio Carnival Costume

In fact, I would guess that 80% of all Rio Carnivalers will at some point wear a tutu. Yes, this includes the men. It’s tradition in Rio for the men to dress in drag, making it impossible for little old me to distinguish the gay men from the single straight men. It’s one big spectrum of confusion.

2018’s Worst carnival costume: the ever-popular Uber costume, meaning: a person wearing all black and a sign that says ‘Uber’.

2018’s Best carnival costume (Chris’s pick): a man dressed up as a mother of two babies wearing a hairnet and moo moo and looking very distressed.

People singing everywhere

Where there is partying, there is music, where there is music, there is singing, and sometimes where there is no music, there is raucous chanting.

At every block party there is a big truck with a band that the people follow down the street.

On the subway, a group of people will enter your car and start chanting, inciting all of the former occupants to join in- which they will: dancing, hammering out the beat with fists to the ceiling.

And finally, while sitting at the beach and drinking your caipirinha, you turn your head upward and you see that there is Phil Collins advertisement in the sky on a banner. If you are particularly intoxicated (like Chris and I were) you will sing his hit song ‘In the air tonight’ every time it flies by.

Street vendors everywhere

You want it, they got it. Barbecued cheese? No problem. Fresh açai? Coming right up! Shrimp on a skewer (aka: what could be my Brazilian weight loss regime) uhhh… nãoooo obrigado.

It turns out that Brazilian Street vendors are all about their nuts. They’ve adopted the whole Lays chip sales tactic: ‘I bet you can’t eat just one’. Every guy with nuts will try to get you to have a little taste. Just one nut. Just put ooone nut in your mouth. Once you put ONE nut in your mouth, you’re going to want to put ALL of the nuts in your mouth. Come on, just give it a try. That’s right, ooopen uppppp. Get that nut in your mouth…it’s gonna taste so-fucking-good. PUT. MY NUTS. IN. YOUR MOUTH.

And don’t even get me started on the sausage-on-a-stick guy.

#1 Rule for Dealing with Street Vendors – DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. If this doesn’t work and they still try to sell you something, you must say ‘no’ to them in the coldest, bitchiest, most ‘I’m a high school cheerleader’ way possible. The more detached you sound, the better. If they sense any morsel of empathy in your objectivity wealthy, English speaking voice, it will create within the street vendor an unbridled hope which will land you a 5-10 minute conversation of polite ‘no thank yous’ until you acquiesce or resort to plan a: the bitchy cheerleader ‘no’. It’s the Resting Bitch Face Olympics in Rio, Kathryn, you’ve been preparing for this your whole life.

Block parties…everywhere

Imagine a place with an uncomfortable amount of people dancing together in sweltering heat. Now multiply that amount of people times 100. That my friends is a block party at carnival.

Realizing you really can’t party like Brazilians 

Because Brazilians really can party, and I’m probably too old for this shit.

Which brings me to siestas…

Song of the weekend is a song about Rio de Janeiro by Gilberto Gil.

Here is a relevant translated verse:

Hello, lady from the favela*

That big hug!

Everyone from Portela**

That big hug!

Every february month***

That step!

Hello, Band of Ipanema****

*the favela is the slum

**the samba school (they play at the carnival parades)

***the month of carnival

****a beach/neighbourhood in Rio- see also Girl from Ipanema (a Bossa Nova classic)

Gilberto Gil – Aquele Abraço (That big hug)