After getting back from Brazil a few weeks ago, I was feeling aimless. I was like a toy that had been wound up and then held in one spot; an oversized puppy trapped in a New York apartment flat, eager to get out.
I saw that there was a free tarot card reading up the street, and I thought, what’s the harm? It was ultimately the perfect excuse to have a professional body-language expert confirm everything that I wanted to be confirmed.
So I grabbed a couple of friends who were feeling a similar bla-ishness and we made our way to the – I don’t know- a rock store? An incense and rock store? A good vibes type thing? We got into a line up where a very chilled out girl was drinking an ice-cap and playing bouncer.
And I was all: “Oh my GOD, where did you get that ice cap. That’s exactly what I want right now.”
And she was all: “I knowwww, right?! They just opened a Tim Horton’s across the street. You should totally get one”
And I was all – fuck yeahhh – this is the EXACT kind of affirmation I am looking for. I nodded at her knowingly.
Once I got to the front of the line, the bouncer girl pointed to a meek-looking lady and I made my way to her. I took a seat and she asked me if I had a specific question today. I tell her I am wondering what direction I should take next in life. You know, life’s simple question. She nodded like “Are you fucking with me?” and this was when I noticed that we were missing a table.
The room was filled with all kinds of vibrant people with tables. On these tables were tarot cards. I have to admit that despite the free aspect of the whole ordeal, I was feeling a little shortchanged.
“Soooo… I notice that there are no tarot cards.” I start.
“No” she offers in a barely audible voice “I am not a tarot card reader. I collect messages from your spiritual guides.”
*Look of confusion*
“Every person has a number of spiritual guides depending on their respective religion, for example, Catholics have saints. What I do is listen for the messages that they are trying to tell you.”
This elevated version of MASH had very quickly escalated to a crisis of faith. Do agnostics have spiritual guides? Wouldn’t they be just as confused as me? I know I am poking holes into a slice of swiss cheese but she was kind of taking the wind out of my sail.
She instructs me to close my eyes and to put one hand on my chest and the other on my abdomen. We sit in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time.
Then suddenly:
“Kathryn! We are your guides!”
I secretly hope that she is closing her eyes too as I try to conceal a grin.
“We are here to tell you: the direction you should take next is to stay still!”
*Grin turns to frown*
“No more exploring!”
*Furrowed brow*
“It is time to wait and listen for a knock on the door. It won’t be a loud knock! So you will have to listen carefully.”
It’s as though my Mother- while looking out her kitchen window in Scarborough, is summoning the words to come out of this women’s mouth. I imagine it exactly the way Saruman summons the Orcs in Lord of the Rings.
What makes it worse is that that one of my friends got her colour aura read (green and yellow) and the other got a card with a lady and a lion on it. As an act of defiance, I get a McFlurry.
Although- after several failed attempts to get out of Toronto, I’ve decided that this lady may actually be a prophet it or that I am on the Truman show (I’m really killing it with these movie references-huh??)
Here’s the thing: I started a freelance job recently and the nature of the project requires A LOT of waiting. When possible, I find another aspect of the project to tackle. Alternatively, I try to remove myself from the screen (like a palette cleanser ). I play guitar, I cook, I read. The book I am reading called 33 Artists in 3 Acts has me lusting after other far off places. One artist in Santiago, Chile has me wanting to know more about Pinochet and his dictatorship, another about the Caochangdi artist district in Beijing. I am feeling a certain tug towards New York as an African Artist (Wangechi Mutu- her mixed-media work is stunning) talks about living in Bed-Stuy. She says: “A contemporary artist is engaged with foreign culture.” It’s one of the reasons I find New York irresistible. It attracts people from all around the world while maintaining its character. God, I love character.
So here I am. Trying to sit still while allowing myself to explore. It’s a nice kind of tension. It’s working for me.
Progressively Louder Laughter 