I decided to go to yoga today. It didn’t specify the kind- and today I have learned that this is valuable information. I won’t try to remember the actual type of the yoga, but my brain has filed it under ‘cunnilingus’. For no apparent reason, by the way, but it may sound like ‘cunniligus’ should that interest you.

When I walked into the class there were three elderly men present, one of which resembled the great David Byrne. That should give you an idea of the clientele we are working with when it comes to ‘cunnilingus yoga’.  When the instructor realized I was lost- or unaware of the kind of yoga I was about to embark on, he enthusiastically handed me a sheet of paper. The paper gave instructions on the chant we would be reciting later (I would learn that it was more along the lines of a yell/moaning type thing). The page also gave me the lyrics to the closing song we would be singing.

Know this- I love a good sing-a-long. I am a former Baptist. Hell, I could karaoke for days. But this, this was something else.

The rest of the class seemed to be what I would call aggressive breathing, violent flailing of the arms and most disturbingly- strengthening of the anus (or did I hear that wrong??).  All of which was not within the comfort zone. BUT, I am still happy I went. I am pretty happy that I did something a bit weird, a little scary, and if I am being honest, that hardest part about the class wasn’t the singing or chanting. It was trying to keep the invisible tea cup on my head while jutting my stomach in and out and aggressively breathing. Or maybe it was the anus strengthening.